ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
