I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
