Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
