I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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