I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
