I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
