Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
