someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
