matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
