She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
