get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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