Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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