does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
