you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
