My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
