Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
