One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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