He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
