Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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