My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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