Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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