We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize