ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
