Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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