grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
