Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
