Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
last night I used snow as a chaser
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
