Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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