I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
