pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
