After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
