I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
