did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
