I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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