My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
