I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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