What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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