Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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