Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
