somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
