But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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