I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
