I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
