eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
