WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
