she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
