you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
