Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
