I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
