You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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