yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
