Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
