Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
