hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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