Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
