We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
