She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
