I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
