After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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