he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
