i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
