if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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