Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
