i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
