It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
