he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
