We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And then he peed in my hair
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