so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
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