As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
