last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
