I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she told me i tasted like america
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
