my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
